Bukan

Waktu berjalan dengan cepat, dan aku tumbuh dengan luka yang masih basah.
Bukan salah siapa-siapa.
Kombinasi genetika dicampur rentetan peristiwa membuatku seperti ini.
Ada masanya aku giat mencoba untuk bahagia, hingga berpura-pura tertawa-tawa.
Semakin tua, semangat semakin luntur.
Sisa rasa lelah setelah kalah bertempur.

Photo by Thomas Griesbeck on Unsplash

Advertisements

Sorry

I’ve never been able to say thank you
for all you’ve done

sorry

Sigh,
It hurts a lot
will I regret my decision
to leave
or
is it the way to stop hurting

Let the time do their job
and deliver the answer when it’s due


Jakarta, 16 Juli 2018

Understand.

The journey to understand myself seems far from the end
There are too many variables
Blurring my judgment of what I really need
I am jealous of people who fully understand what they want
What they like, or dislike
For me, almost everything stand on the thin line
and changing from time to time
Exploring my own self is a challenge
and in the way, I tend to hurt someone
because my ignorance

What if,
I can’t find the answer
What if,
There’s no answer in the first place
What if,
I am wasting my time


Jakarta, 5 Juli 2018

I feel nothing.

Maybe, I am floating
Gravity don’t work at me
I still breathing, but the taste of oxygen is leaving
Water run down my throat, yet I am dying from the thirst
My eyes awake, but my brain can’t process the image
Maybe everything changes when I fell asleep
Maybe I am changing
To another creation who feel nothing


Draft from June,

Jakarta, 05 Juli 2018.

IMAGINARY LOVE

I fell in love with an illusion,
of the back standing tall in silhouette
firm hand holding mine, tight
I fell in love with never-ending laugh
long conversation; loving gaze in every sentence

I fell in a rush,
now come the hesitation
short grumpy text exchange
I change
I push
I scared, confused


Photo by Matteo Kutufa on Unsplash