Crying Schedule

She’s not allowed to cry on Sunday night, cause
she needs to work on Monday
working with swollen eyes is unprofessional
hence she’s not allowed to cry until Thursday
Friday is hopeful
She might cry, but not on commuter line
Saturday is free pass
She can cry her eyes out
All those pent up emotion
Go girl, let it go
Sunday, it’s better for her to stop crying
and practice smiling
be a bubbly girl and post on gram

Kukira aku sembuh

Tuhan,
Aku kira aku sudah sembuh
Tapi, panggilan suara 09:48 menghancurkan pertahananku
Mungkin selama ini aku pura-pura
Sangat hebat hingga aku pun tak sadar kalau semuanya sandiwara
Aku harus apa Tuhan?
Memaafkan tak tau harus dari mana.
Apa sebenarnya yang aku rasakan Tuhan?
Sedih, gelisah, takut
Tuhan, aku takut….
Tapi aku tidak tau apa yang aku takutkan

Rumah

Dulu, aku suka sebut nama kamu waktu berdoa sama Tuhan
Minta yang baik-baik, juga minta supaya kita selalu dekat
Sekarang, ngga ada lagi nama dalam doa
Aku minta seseorang yang bisa aku jadikan rumah
Aku minta seseorang yang bisa jalan beriringan
Aku minta yang terbaik, karena aku yakin Pencipta ku lebih paham apa yang aku butuh

Tapi, ketika tiba-tiba kamu muncul dalam pikiran…
Aku selalu berdoa supaya kamu bahagia
Supaya kamu selalu dalam keadaan sehat
Aku berdoa supaya kamu juga diberikan yang terbaik
Karena pada suatu masa, kamu sempat menjadi tempat aku singgah

Kembali ke pena ✒

Di tahun ke-28 ternyata masih belum ada tempat bercerita
Padahal isi kepala kadang penuh, runyem
Terkadang ada hal konyol yang ingin dibagi dan ditertawakan bersama
Tapi tak apa, tahun ke-28 tetap istimewa
Sudah berikhrar dari jauh hari bahwa setelah tanggal 23, harus bebenah diri

My Favorite Poems of Sapardi Djoko Pamono

Today, one of my favorite poets passed away. It’s been a while since I read or write any poetry, but the reading of his news passing brings me here to share some of his work.

“I Want” is the first poem I read back in elementary school, and it leaves a great impression for me. I read it over and over until I remember every single word. It makes me want to fall in love, and wonder whether I can love someone selflessly.

I want to love you simply, in words not spoken;
tinder to the flame which transforms it to ash
I want to love you simply, in signs not expressed;
clouds to the rain which make them evanescent

Aku Ingin (I want)

Another poem that I love is “The Day Will Come.” Reading it makes me realize that words can linger even when the creator of it no longer alive. How powerful words can be and how amazing the poets are?

The day will come,
when my body no longer exists
but in the lines of this poem
I will never let you be alone
The day will come,
when my voice is no longer heard
but within the words of this poem
I will continue to watch over you
The day will come,
when my dreams are no longer known
but in the spaces found in the letter of this poem
I will never tired looking for you

The day will come (pada suatu hari nanti)

Last, this poem just spoke to me.. whatever that’s mean. It just ‘spoke’ to me.

Walking westward in the morning,
the sun follows me from behind
walking, I follow my drawn-out shadow before me
The sun and I don’t argue about which one of creates the shadow
The shadow and I don’t argue about which one of must must lead the way

Walking westward in the morning

Depok, July 19th, 2020.

Another Hello.

It’s been months since I write. I don’t know why I started this page, then leave it, then coming back to it.

Perhaps, boredom.
Perhaps, the need to connect.
Perhaps, I want to know myself,
or simply the need to improve my English?

As the world changes and pushes humans to stay inside, I feel more eager to go out and meet friends and family. Funny! I never imagine I can miss someone; let me rephrase that. I’m not missing someone particular, I just miss going outside and see other human beings doing their things. 

Well, this post has no specific meaning or purpose. I don’t even know whether to upload or discard this. I’m not sure if you will finish reading this weird post. But if by miracle or accident you finally read this….

I’m just gonna say, Hello Again!


Senin lagi.

Besok kau harus pergi kerja. Besok akan biasa-biasa saja. Pergi pagi bersama mereka yang tidak kau kenal, mengeluh di tengah hari, dan merindukan senja untuk cepat datang kembali.

Senja.

Waktu yang sangat kau nikmati, karena akhirnya kau bisa sendiri. Menikmati langkah di sepanjang jalan Sudirman, bersama lagu yang masuk di kuping kanan kiri.

Sendiri.

Entah kenapa kau menyukai kesendirian. Mungkin kau terlalu lama menyendiri, apa-apa diurus sendiri sehingga canggung ketika ada yang menemani.

Hopeless

I was born with the darkness
Gloomy night, along with the cry of thunder
I, now…
Live…
With a constant despair
and the black dog that won’t disappear

Sometimes, I just want to let go
lean on something
or just don’t care about anything
but…
all of that
are luxuries for someone
as helpless as me